Hello there. For years now I have been practicing writing and I would like to share some of it with you guys out there. I will be writing some short stories on my blog for all of you to enjoy. Feel free to leave criticism or comments.
The breeze sure was welcome. The last few days had been so hot, it was very difficult to keep my clothes dry from sweat. Even the slightest movement drenched my clothes in sweat. It was all right now though. I was sitting under a tree reading a brand new copy of 'People' magazine. It's not that I like the magazine, but it was the only thing I could find in my stepfather's caravan. I was staying with him and my mother for the weekend. My stepfather was al lright, I guess, but what really bothered me was I couldn't really talk to him. He always treats me like as if I was a ten year old. I'm actually twenty-three years old, and the only reason why I'm still living with one of my parents is that I just got back from a two year trip around Africa.
After reading in the magazine for about five minutes I was already sick of it, and I started playing in the dirt with a stick. I wasn't thinking of anything in particular when I was approached by a young girl. I only noticed her when she blocked out the sun with her body. I looked up at her and she simply just stood there for a good minute or two. After our strange staring contest I broke the silence. "Hello?"
"What are you doing?" asked the girl. She was about eight years old, and she was sporting a queer little smile which made me quite uncomfortable. "I'm trying to stay out of the sun, that's all really", I replied. "What are you doing out her? Shouldn't you be at school?"
"It's summer holiday silly. I don't have school right now". She was right of course. I hadn't gone to school for at least three years and I had no idea when the summer holidays started or ended.
"You'll have to excuse me. I had no idea you kids were already on your summer holidays. I'm Jeremy, what's your name kid?" After asking my question she just ran off. I just sat there, dumbstruck, watching her run off towards the trailer park. After she disappeared I couldn't stop thinking about why she would run off like that. After giving myself five minutes to think about it, I dismissed it as a kid just being a kid. I can't remember how I thought when I was a kid, so I guess this was the best I could do. I rummaged in my pockets and came out with about seven bucks in small change. I counted it twice and then stored it back in the front pocket of my jeans. I stood up, leaving the magazine under the tree, and headed towards the town centre. I hadn't smoked in two years, but I could really use a cigarette now. I had been without work for two weeks and I hadn't been doing much. I needed a distraction.
It took me no longer than an hour to reach the place I was going to. The afternoon was coming to an end, and so was the insane heat. I had started sweating like a madman, but I felt OK. I was still confused about the young girl, although it wasn't bothering me as much as it did when it had just happened. I went into the corner shop and bought myself a pack of luckies. The guy behind the counter was a real prick, and he showed completely no interest in me, but it didn't bother me too much. After buying my cigarettes I went out front and took one out. I lit my cigarette and sat down on one of the benches in front of the shop. I sat there smoking cigarettes for a while, admiring the street. The town centre wasn't very big, but it had the necessary things. A barber, a small groceries, a tuck shop, a jewellers and several other small businesses. The town centre really was only a single street with a few alleyways.It was never very busy either, which made hanging around quite peaceful. After I'd smoked two cigarettes an old lady walked by. She was talking to herself and I was praying to god, although I don't believe in god, that she was pass me by without trying to start a conversation. I was lucky and she just mumbled by, lost in her own world.
Moments later, I saw the kid I met by the tree. She was standing across the street in the entrance of an alleyway next to a sports shop. She was staring at me again. After making sure she was looking at me I decided to go over to her. I crossed the street and just before I came in talking range she bolted in the alleyway. I started after her in a slow jog. Not really knowing why I was following her. It made me feel like Alice following the rabbit. Once I was in the alleyway, she was nowhere to be seen. I walked to the end of the alleyway, which came out on another street that was parallel to the street all the shops were on. The buildings on this street were all co-op houses. The young girl was standing on my side of the side-walk.
"What's up kid?" I asked her, and all she did was giggle.
She turned, and without looking, she started to cross the street. Before I even fully registered her displeasing giggle, the young girl was smashed to bits by a speeding pick-up truck. I instantly knew she hadn't survived the accident. A lot of people say that when they've experienced something terrifying, they just freeze. This didn't happen to me. I walked up to the spot where the pick-up had finally stopped. I went around the front to take a look at the damage, at this point I wasn't really thinking at all. It was as if my body was functioning on its own. The car itself had only a mildly damaged fender. Bits of hair, skin, clothing and bone clung to the most damaged part of the car. The amount of blood was not near as much as I would have expected, but nonetheless, the picture was pretty gruesome. The corpse, for it was most definitely a corpse, was completely unrecognisable. I remember just standing there, staring at what was left of the kid, just as she was staring at me the first time we met.
I don't think I will ever completely understand what had happened that day, but I'll never be able to stare at a kid again.
You should write a book :)
ReplyDeleteSo smart. so well written, you were born to be a blogger. Keep up the good work. keep up the great posts.
ReplyDeleteYou're quite talented my blogging friend, I will be looking out extra for you.
ReplyDeleteI call for a novel in the future, great post :)
ReplyDeleteFollowing!
You misspelled alright in the first paragraph. Just a typo though. Also, totally didn't expect that ending. Cool story though :D
ReplyDeleteThat was a really awesome story
ReplyDeleteGreat read, you should really consider getting published. I'd buy a book!
ReplyDeletereally a nice piece of work!
ReplyDeleteVery creative pieces, great job!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone! Write a book! :D
ReplyDeleteSome typos, plus you could've expounded more on why/how "the guy behind the counter" was such a prick-- just constructive criticism/nitpicking. I like it. It's chilling, like some of the horror flash fiction I've read. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteAww man, I thought this was going to be a post with chicks in hot shorts.
ReplyDeleteFollowed.
bigunicorn.blogspot.com
Love the short story. Write more!!
ReplyDeleteVery good short story! Definately following
ReplyDeleteVery well written.
ReplyDeleteWOW! I think you could write a book very easily.
ReplyDeleteyou call this shorts ?hahaha
ReplyDeleteno no very good read man, you have a talent
You are very creative.
ReplyDeletewith your writing style you could make anything cool
ReplyDeleteExcellent post man! Was a really interesting read! thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteGood story, could have done with a bit more description of places and people, like Onikazam said why was the guy a prick? apart from that it was a good read, with a unexpected twist at the end.
ReplyDeleteVery nice.
ReplyDeletethat was a really good read :D
ReplyDeleteThat was actually pretty interesting
ReplyDeleteyou got a knack with wordplay and structure for sure your talented as heck!! will follow
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAWESOME WRITING MAN! 5/5
ReplyDeletegood writing, also yeah, don't stare at kids
ReplyDeleteAlways enjoy a good short story, looking forward to more. Followed.
ReplyDeleteyea looking forward to more
ReplyDeleteNice man, i love it! keep up the good work & i want more :)
ReplyDeleteGood, I write a little myself!
ReplyDeleteVery talented writing bro! keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteNice writings man, keep it up for sure.
ReplyDeleteI will be writing my next short tomorrow afternoon. Get ready for some more!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work. Hope to see more stories!
ReplyDeletegood work! nice reading!
ReplyDeleteAgreed with most comments here :) You have talent for writing!
ReplyDeleteNice man, but change you'r blog to english :p
ReplyDeleteI actually like this! Good work man, following!
ReplyDeleteThis is good stuff. keep it up
ReplyDeletegreat post. following you
ReplyDeleteWriting is one of the most enjoyable yet difficult habits to maintain. I hope you keep trying, as it has a reward unlike any other.
ReplyDeletenicely done sir!
ReplyDelete